I miss writing, I love blogging about the work I do, my thoughts on the work I do, the horses I work with and trying to figure out how I work with my horses and also my clients. So, then I get lost in the doing and never get to put anything down on paper (or screen). So much has been going on, I can't even begin to write, so I am just going to try and blog every other day on different bits and pieces.
Today, Cass and Pomme, may as well stay consistent with my posts! So, Cass is overdue, she was due on April 11th, and is still very much pregnant. I believe she is on day 356, which seems ridiculous, it feels like day 7895. I wouldn't even believe a baby is in there if we hadn't had an ultrasound last week and I saw the giraffe with my own eyes! Pomme is big, that is definitely not what I ordered. I ordered a small, cute, well behaved filly, I have a feeling I may be getting a Henry #2, good lord, I don't think I can cope. I had chosen the name Pomme for a girl, but I am also loving Clemintine. For a boy I had always chosen Zeus, as it gives off a powerful, strong character, I am kind of regretting that choice now, as I feel the foal is going to live up to the name!!
I am not going to lie, I am exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally and mentally. I want to do right by Cass and ensure her and Pomme will be healthy through the birth and thereafter. Cass's milk has not come in, and after speaking with her previous owner, it doesn't come in until late. We thought this was due to a type a hay she had been fed in her previous pregnancies, but it looks like it is a thing. Oh well, I hear you say, you can just bottle feed. Erm no. No you cannot, well you can, but you can't. So foals need to have colostrum as soon as they are ready to eat. The colostrum is the first mama's milk and is full of all the yummy immunity goodies they need in order not to get sick. So, here is the thing, the foal can only absorb this yummy colostrum in the first eight hours of life. Then they tummies close up and say no thank you to anything that wants to be absorbed. OK, so what do you do if mama's milk doesn't come in on time. Oh, easy, you find some frozen colostrum. Erm no. It is not easy. I reached out far and wide, on facebook, through friends who have contacts, who have contacts. I phoned around vets, but nothing. I was phoning breeders, studs, anyone who I thought may be able to spare a little of this golden milk. Finally an amazing lady answered on my facebook post, she is a breeder of standard breds on Vancouver Island and she had some, and it was tested, so it was good (yep, it comes in different levels of yumminess). OK, so how was I going to get it, no worries, I will jump on a few ferries and go and collect it. My dear friend Jen jumped in and said she would fly over from Sechelt to Nanaimo and collect it for me and she did. Bloody amazing. Phew, yummy golden milk secured and in our freezer.
Next, drugs, do I have the right ones here on the coast for mama should she need them. Nope, I do not. My wonderful husband, who is crazy busy at work, pops out to grab them for me, three hour round trip, but that is what you do for you wifey and her horse. A few days later we decide to give Cass another type of drug to help her milk come. Wonderful husband to the rescue again and off he goes at the crack of the sparrows fart to collect said drugs, so we can get her started on those. In the meantime, I am taking her temperature every morning at breakfast time. Poor girl, nothing like having a thermometer shoved up your butt whilst trying to eat your breakfast and then I check to see if she is producing any milk. Get used to it mama, Pomme will be at the milk bar before you know it!
Oh, did I mention we built the most wonderful birthing suite for Cass and Pomme. Cass is still very much not wanting to move into her new quarters and even funnier, the boys don't want her to go. So, I have now bedded down her smaller stable and stress on an hourly basis it is not big enough, but keeping her quiet and happy is the main thing. We put up the camera in her stall last week and so, instead of me trudging down to the barn at 3am to check on her, hoping to avoid the bears that are out of hibernation, I can turn my phone on and watch her snooze from there. However, I am exhausted. Who knew waiting could be so tiring. I stopped sessions a the beginning of April, as I just could not hold space for anyone and I was so worried about everything else, I had to just stop and be in the present moment and take it hour by hour, day by day. The last few nights we have had a few false starts, so I have been watching the birthing cam through the night. I have had lots of offers to watch, but you got to know what to look for, even I am not completely sure, hence some of the false starts! I get all excited thinking she is going into labor, only for Pomme to be repositioning. I do think we are in the final day or so now though. Last night was definitely the closest I have been really thinking she is going to give birth. As I type this, I am watching her in her stall having an afternoon nap. I have put everyone in for an hour or so, to see if she will settle and think about going into Stage 2 labor. I know it is wishful thinking, but worth a go. She gets to hang out quietly for a bit and the boys will just have to put up with it!
All joking aside though, it has been a pleasure walking this path with Cass. Watching her through every stage of her pregnancy, the ups and downs, the stresses, it has all been a privilege. It is strange, as it seems like it is the longest pregnancy and this was the journey she wanted, but actually this is the short bit, the life time commitment is when Pomme is here. No different than a human pregnancy. You put so much emphasis on the pregnancy bit, you forget that there is a little life (or large one in this case) afterwards and you are purely responsible for everything that you do with this being. For me, having the responsibility of the welfare of this baby is going to be huge. I am excited and scared. I know I am going to make mistakes, the same as I have done with my own kids, but I know this foal is going to teach me so much, the same as my own kids have. Having Cass to guide us both is going to be so humbling. I have seen this horse evolve so much since being pregnant. She has stepped into this amazing therapy horse, holding space for women here. She has grown and it feels like, giving her the gift of a baby, she has taken that responsibility on and stepped into this role and is taking it very seriously. She is teaching me things and lately holding my space as much as I hold hers. We hang out together and I chat to pomme, offer energy work when she is sore, which has been a lot, but this last week, she is just quiet, content and waiting. The other night I went to check on her with my daughter Lu, and Cass was laying down, which is unusual for her at night when I check on them. She let me go on and hang out with her and she got up and repositioned herself. I went back a couple of hours later and she was down again, so I was like, oh man, is this it? I could feel the excitement and anxiety just pouring from her body. She got up repositioned again. I went back to the house and went to bed. In the middle of the night, I woke with stomach pains, almost like pulling across my stomach and I was like, oh crap, she is having the baby. I went to the barn to check, but she was fine, uncomfortable, but not ready. Looking back and seeing how quiet and ready she is now, I feel Pomme was moving up into the birth canal. She is moving better than before and is just settled. I hope that when she does give birth, I can really stay in the moment and enjoy it with her and not fret too much whilst it is happening.
A wonderful friend walked me through the birth, we were chatting via facebook and I could hear her calming voice as she is typing the words, I could see everything happening as she wrote, it calmed my very soul listening to her words and I hold that in my heart when I start to get anxious about the birth. Shawna, you are an amazing human being, thank you.
Also, the other person I have to give thanks to (there are so many), but is my animal communicator Chrissy. She has been the bridge between Cass and I when I have needed to ask questions, communicate what we are doing, seeing how she is feeling. Chrissy is amazing, she has been checking in on a daily basis, some days Cass is happy to chat and other days she shows she is tired, has heart burn, can't breathe properly. All of it is information that is so useful for me in order to help make her comfortable, know her boundaries and wants and needs. It really does take a village. So, we wait and eventually this baby has to come out, so we wait, I don't sleep and have no idea what day it is, what time it is, who I am. I have a renewed respect for breeders, how do you manage the stress!! I know I am deeply connected to this horse and her story, but the honor I feel in holding this space for this new being to come and join our herd is truly humbling.
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